How do I slow down for the sake of my health?

The Five Pillars of a Better Life, Part Three: Make Time to Reflect

We spend so much of our lives doing. Perhaps we should spend a little more of it simply being.

In this series on the five pillars of a good life, we've looked so far at eating well and moving our bodies.

The third pillar is rather different.

It's about stopping.

Modern life is extraordinarily noisy. We wake up and reach for our phones. There are messages to answer, news stories to read, jobs to do, appointments to keep and endless little demands competing for our attention.

Even when we're doing nothing, we're often scrolling.

But our minds need rest too.

I call this third pillar time for reflection.

And there are many ways of finding it.

Meditation Doesn't Mean Sitting Around Saying "Om"

Meditation can seem rather mysterious from the outside.

You might imagine sitting cross-legged on the floor, chanting "Om" for two hours while desperately trying not to think about what's for dinner.

It really doesn't have to be like that.

At its simplest, meditation can mean sitting comfortably somewhere quiet, closing your eyes and paying attention to your breathing.

You don't have to empty your mind. In fact, you probably can't. Thoughts will arrive:

Did I reply to that email?

What shall I cook tonight?

Why did she say that to me yesterday?

The trick isn't to fight them. Notice that your mind has wandered and gently bring your attention back to your breath.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

The breath becomes a bridge between mind and body.

For a few minutes, you're no longer worrying about yesterday or planning tomorrow.

You're simply here.

Learning to Be Present

That is really what mindfulness is about.

We spend an extraordinary amount of our lives somewhere other than where we actually are.

We replay conversations from yesterday.

We worry about something that might happen next week.

We plan what we'll do tomorrow.

Meanwhile, today is happening.

Mindfulness teaches us to notice it.

The warmth of the sun. The taste of coffee. The sound of birds outside the window. The sensation of water in the shower. The face of the person sitting opposite us.

I've written more about this in my related article, How to Be Mindful of the Present Moment.

Start With Ten Minutes

You don't need an hour. Start with five or ten minutes.

Sit somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes if you want to. Notice your breath. When your thoughts wander — and they will — bring your attention gently back.

That's it.

If you prefer some guidance, I happily recommend the Calm app. Guided meditation can be particularly helpful when you're beginning because somebody else gently leads you through the process.

Eventually, silence itself can become surprisingly comfortable.

Yoga: Reflection Through Movement

Yoga belongs partly in our previous pillar of exercise, but it belongs here too.

Yoga can strengthen and stretch the body, but its combination of movement, breathing and attention can also become a form of moving meditation. Tai Chi can work similarly. So can walking.

A quiet walk without headphones, without checking your phone and without trying to achieve anything can be wonderfully contemplative.

Notice the trees.

Notice the sky.

Notice your breathing.

Notice other people.

Sometimes reflection doesn't require sitting still at all.

Prayer

For billions of people, reflection takes a religious form.

A Muslim may stop five times during the day, turn towards Mecca and pray.

A Catholic may slowly work through the Rosary, allowing familiar words and the movement of beads through the fingers to create a rhythm of contemplation.

An evangelical Christian may speak spontaneously to God about fears, hopes, gratitude and other people.

A Buddhist may meditate without directing thoughts towards a creator God at all.

The theology is obviously very different.

But there is an interesting human similarity.

Stop. Become quiet. Pay attention. Step outside the endless demands of yourself and the day.

For people of faith, that space is shared with God.

For others, it may simply be silence.

Either way, deliberately stepping out of life's noise can be valuable.

Write It Down

Reflection doesn't have to happen inside your head.

Journaling can be enormously helpful because writing forces vague thoughts to take shape.

You might write about:

• something you're worried about

• something you've learned

• a decision you're considering

• somebody you love

• something beautiful you noticed

• three things you're grateful for

You don't need to produce literature. Nobody else ever has to read it.

A notebook and pen are perfectly adequate. If you prefer digital journaling, I use and recommend Day One, which makes it easy to combine writing, photographs and memories over time.

Looking back through old entries can also remind us how much life changes — and how many things we once worried about eventually resolved themselves.

Read Slowly

Reading can be another form of reflection, but not if we're simply racing through information.

Poetry is particularly good at making us stop.

So are philosophy, spiritual writing, essays and passages from books that make us put the book down for a moment and think.

Sometimes one paragraph is worth more than fifty pages.

Read something.

Put it down.

Look out of the window.

Think.

We've almost forgotten that we're allowed to do that.

Find Your Own Quiet

There is no correct way to reflect.

Meditate.

Pray.

Write.

Practise yoga.

Walk beside the sea.

Sit on a park bench.

Read a poem.

Watch the sunset.

Or occasionally turn everything off and sit quietly with a cup of tea.

The important thing is to create some space in your life where nothing is demanding your attention.

Especially as we grow older, perhaps one of life's gifts is discovering that we don't have to fill every minute.

Sometimes the most valuable thing we can do is stop.

Breathe.

Look around.

Smell the roses. 

And realise that this moment — ordinary, imperfect and fleeting — is our life.

SIMPLY. BETTER. LIVING. 

"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear."
— Rumi