Don't Plan the Move. Plan the Life.
The first thing most people get wrong about moving abroad.
If you've read my last two articles, you'll know that this short series is really about starting over.
Sometimes that means changing careers. Sometimes it means changing relationships. Sometimes it means questioning assumptions you've lived with for years.
And sometimes it means moving to another country.
Having now lived in Britain, Germany and Spain, I've discovered that one of the biggest mistakes people make isn't choosing the wrong country.
It's expecting the move itself to do most of the work.
Sixteen years ago, my wife and I packed up our lives, sold our house, and moved to Berlin with our four children.
Like most people planning a move abroad, I spent months thinking about practicalities.
Where would we live?
Could we find work?
How difficult would the paperwork be?
How quickly would my family learn German?
Looking back, none of those turned out to be the greatest challenge.
The biggest challenge was something I'd hardly thought about at all.
Learning how to feel at home.
The lesson came after our very first summer holiday.
We flew to Italy and enjoyed two wonderful weeks together. For a while, life felt almost normal again. We relaxed, laughed, explored beautiful places and forgot about the upheaval of the previous few months.
Then the holiday ended.
But instead of flying back to England ... we flew back to Berlin.
As the aircraft descended, something changed in my ten-year-old daughter.
She suddenly realised that Berlin wasn't just somewhere we were staying.
This was home now.
For almost a week she cried.
She became withdrawn.
Every morning she deliberately put on the school uniform from her old primary school in England.
Looking back, I don't think she wanted to wear the uniform.
I think she was trying to hold on to a life that had disappeared almost overnight.
At the time, I found it heartbreaking.
Today, I think it taught me one of the most important lessons about moving abroad.
Relocating and adapting are not the same thing.
Relocating takes a few weeks.
Adapting often takes years.
Three years later, we had the opportunity to return permanently to England.
By then, something remarkable had happened.
My daughter no longer wanted to go back.
She had friends.
She spoke German.
Berlin had quietly become home.
That transformation hadn't happened because we'd moved.
It happened because we'd lived.
And I think that's the first thing many people get wrong when they dream of moving abroad.
They spend months planning the move ... and almost no time planning the life.
They imagine sunshine, cafés, beaches or mountains.
They research visas, tax rules, schools and healthcare systems.
Those things certainly matter.
But eventually the holiday feeling fades.
You'll need a dentist.
A plumber.
Somewhere to exercise.
Neighbours you'll get to know.
A favourite café.
A routine.
A reason to get out of bed on an ordinary Tuesday morning.
Because that's what life is mostly made of.
Not sunsets.
Tuesdays.
People often tell me they know Spain because they've holidayed there for years.
I always smile.
A holiday and a permanent move have almost nothing in common.
On holiday, every day is designed to be enjoyable.
Living somewhere means shopping for groceries, waiting for deliveries, paying bills, learning the language, dealing with bureaucracy, making friends and gradually becoming part of the local community.
That's when the real journey begins.
My advice to anyone thinking of moving abroad is surprisingly simple.
Don't just plan the move.
Plan the life.
Ask yourself questions that rarely appear in relocation guides.
Who will I spend time with?
How will I build friendships?
How will I continue learning?
What hobbies will give structure to my week?
What will an ordinary Wednesday afternoon look like?
Because if you can imagine yourself enjoying an ordinary Wednesday, there's a good chance you'll enjoy living there.
If all you can imagine is the beach, you may still be thinking like a tourist.
Tourists collect memories.
Residents build lives.
You need to know which one you're planning.
Moving abroad can be one of the most rewarding decisions you'll ever make.
It certainly has been for me.
It broadens your horizons, challenges your assumptions and introduces you to people and experiences you might never otherwise encounter.
Just remember that changing countries isn't the finish line.
It's the starting line.
The real adventure begins after the moving boxes have been unpacked.
Next time, I'll explain why I believe one of the biggest financial mistakes people make is buying a property too soon after – or even before – arriving in a new country.
SIMPLY. BETTER. LIVING.
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